Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
