Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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