Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think my moral compass just broke
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
