office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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