I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
