Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
