it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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