i barfeds in our rink
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
