Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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