You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
