he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
