You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
