You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
