Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
