too bad you live with your parents still
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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