xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
