After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
