Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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