running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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