We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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