Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
