You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
