saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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