Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
