Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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