i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
