he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
