my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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