I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
