just tell him i said nine months
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
