that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
