Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
