We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize