I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She needs sedatives and a leash
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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