so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
