I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We smell like vodka and hangover
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