my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize