the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
