one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
