I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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