I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
