I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize