I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
