we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
