No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
