He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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