i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
