Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
