Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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