I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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