had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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