And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A+ Viking dick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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