You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
