if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
