Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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