a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
