we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
