And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
