I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
