Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
