he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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