Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
