how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
