You're my little dorito
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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