don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
